Wednesday, January 18, 2006

But it all happened so fast—!

Hola people! Guess what? I'm employed. Damn and blast I say. Apart from the money/security/being-able-to-pay-rent-and-buy-stuff thing, it is rotten. What is with all this getting up at 7am? My body is not made for that kind of treatment. I'm a delicate flower. At least the 9am-5pm part of things only lasts for the 7 days of training, then I'm onto regular 1-6pm shifts, Mon-Fri, leaving mornings and weekends free to endulge my creative-writing/painting/David-Bowie-and-Devil-worshipping/drinking/film-watching practices. Simultaneously. Ah yes, 'multi-tasking'. That's me.

Hilariously, I'm now working for a mobile phone company - am I allowed to say who it is on a blog? - it's Vodafone. Hilarious, because as some or most of you might know, I have never owned a mobile phone. I didn't say that at the interview though. Oh, the joys. I have yet to voice my own personal mobile phone related enquiry, which is: can you get Gary Newman's hit song 'Cars' as a ringtone? Because THAT is what it would take for me to get a mobile. "Here in my car, I feel safe as can be..." (Strangely enough, I have also never driven.)

I found some pretty fucked ads for jobs while I was searching (searching for jobs, that is, not for fucked-up ads for jobs!) Such as:
"MARTENIKG IS ALL AOUBT MKAENIG A BLOD STMEATENT THAT CTAHCES POELPS ANTETITION!!" Hmm, yes. And: "Ambitious and wanting to earn. BIG Ca$h? ... Looking for part-time work ? Want a fun, vibrant, buzzy environment?" Buzzy? Do you have to be a bee to apply? Also some with some pretty frikkin' awful typos, and I quote: "Fun & exceptional retail! Right now we`re looking for exceptional retail sales gurus to be apart of an unreal culture." ... 'Apart of'? Well, I certainly want to be apart from any sort of culture- or cheesmaking process. Except for the eating part of it. And they expect people to actually apply for these jobs? Needless to say, I didn't.

My critera for applying was: do the job writers know how to use the English language good and proper like? And if they did, then off I sent my Cover Letter of Death. Which, if rejected, emitted a poisonous gas which killed anyone within 100 meters. Good-O.

6 Comments:

At January 19, 2006 7:33 pm, Blogger danjonathantravel said...

i like your style! i too, enjoy the job ads - particularly "BUBBLY, VIBRANT PEOPLE WANTED" or some such. yes, i am a deep magenta-coloured champagne, do i get the job? **** "cheesemaking" not "cheesmaking" or you would have got 5 stars!!!

 
At January 19, 2006 8:48 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bah humbug! What I meant was 'chessmaking'. Wizard chess making. Were we make da pieces what *move*...

 
At January 20, 2006 5:22 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh no! alarm! tom is stalking me/you: even to reviewing my fanfic!!! how is this be?!?!?!?!? xxx nix

 
At January 26, 2006 9:50 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

since when has your name been of the flouro-pink variety? OR: what has happened to your blog?

 
At January 26, 2006 9:50 pm, Anonymous Anonymous said...

since when has your name been of the flouro-pink variety? OR: what has happened to your blog?

 
At January 28, 2006 12:14 pm, Blogger Esther said...

whatever do you mean, smelly? what do you think has happened to my blog?

 

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